Jun 16, 2010

-FUPPETS- Top Ten Things About The World Cup 2010

(Besides the matches themselves, of course)

1. VUVUZELAS. If there is one thing that -FUPPETS- endorses it is chaotic random noise/drone/skronk. Most important futbol matches have a constant barrage of noise from the fanatics in the stands. The South African fans have taken it up to the next level. They have the vuvuzelas, plastic trumpets which, when blasted by tens of thousands of fans, sound like the most angry swarm of killer bees one can imagine! -FUPPETS- Loves This! So many idiots have been complaining about them, saying the buzz-roar is too much for their tender ears coming out of their TV speakers. MORONS. -FUPPETS- prefers to see the vuvuzelas as a communal noise/drone improvisation, much like the "noise" bands out there, but with so much more volume and force and animus. They definitely are better than the piped-in music soundbites they play at NBA games interminably. Wolf Eyes could learn a thing or two.

2. UNIVISION ANNOUNCERS' MISPRONUNCIATION. It is difficult enough to pronounce the names of athletes from around the world, but the play-by-play announcers on Univision have managed to make almost an art form out of it! Listening to them mangle the last names of players from the world over is a true joy. The Korean names were particularly cringe-worthy and entertaining. It is even funnier to see them try to pronounce names that, phonetically, sound like curse words in Spanish! Hilarious!

3. THE LADIES OF UNIVISION. While American sports broadcasting puts on airs of self-importance and seriousness, Latin American sports programs understand and accept their role. Sports are entertainment. Sports are a distraction from the shithole lives led by most. Whereas American pregame shows treat the event as a deadly serious endeavour and focus on three British dudes behind a desk (British because their accent lends hefty weight to their opinions, since Americans are brainwashed into believing British people are automatically more refined and proper and learned), the good people at Univision treat the World Cup as what it is for the fans, a party to be celebrated and enjoyed and relished! They pack their studio with not only the on-air talent, but a band, a raucous audience, and dozens upon dozens of the most beautiful women they can find, all dancing and cheering and adding to the festive atmosphere that the World Cup should be to all fans. It is a celebration of lusty life whereas the ESPN coverage seems like a funeral procession. Latino television shows wonderfully solid, delicious women, not the stick figures that pass for hot women on American TV. This is a large part of the reason why so many English viewers watch the coverage on Univision instead of ESPN. Can you blame them?

4. SOUTH AFRICAN FANS. The people of South Africa have been awaiting this World Cup for years and years and they are doing their utmost to support each and every team and nation participating. It is a beautiful thing to watch and hear. They really should be proud of the effort they are showing. The various stadiums are always full, even when the actual countrymen of the teams participating cannot fill the stadium up. The South African fans are there to watch high caliber sport and they are enjoying the hell out of it.

5. ONE MATCH AT A TIME. The format is such a refreshing thing to see. Each match is of equal importance and magnitude and because of this there are never two matches at the same time. In the first round, there are three matches a day, and this allows for the world to focus on each match individually. This is something that is foreign to American sports viewers, who are usually forced to pick and choose between simultaneous events. This also keeps any one match from being overlooked. The world is indeed watching.

6. LIVE MATCHES ON UNIVISION.COM . Since this World Cup is taking place in South Africa, which is 8 hours ahead of much of the United States, the matches take place very early in the day here. To better enjoy the matches, Univision has been streaming each of the matches live on it's site. The buffering is quick and the stream is as smooth and perfect as it can get. ESPN is trying the same thing but their stream, over at ESPN3.com, just plain SUCKS. It is slow to buffer, drops at random times, and just overloads with excess adverts and pop-ups. The Univision stream is near perfection and it helps so much when enjoying the World Cup on one's computer.

7. STADIUMS. One of the leading worries of people as we all headed into this 2010 World Cup was the facilities which were to host these matches. Now that we are one week into this competition it is plain to see that South Africa really did it up right. The various stadiums are all beautiful in their own way and immaculate. They are truly gorgeous on the television screen and seem to be ideal places for fans to gather and support their home nation's teams. -FUPPETS- hopes that the fans in attendance are enjoying themselves!

8. TENSION. People watch sports and sporting events for many reasons. One overarching reason for sports love is the emotional rush provided to the viewer by the actions of their team. In Futbol, this takes on it's own specific nature. By virtue of the lack of play stoppage, other than at halftime, the already violent tension is ramped up steadily, slowly but surely, as the clock winds to the 45 minute mark of each half. There is no time for a fan to catch their breath, or to relax, or to go take a leak during a commercial break, for there are no commercial breaks! As a fan, one must devote a steady 90 minutes to the match. Hope never dies, but it indeed does get desperate as the time starts to run out! It makes for great sports watching. The immense catharsis of one's team scoring a goal is unmatched in sport.

9. ENJOYING IT WHILE IT LASTS. Much like the Olympics, but in a more concentrated and powerful form, the World Cup draws the attention of the nations of the world. Unlike the Olympics, which have so many events and so many different combinations of opponents, the World Cup is composed of whichever 32 nations made it through their various qualifying tournaments, all playing only one sport. Just making it there to compete is an accomplishment in and of itself for many nations. The World Cup has an "enjoy it while it lasts" quality not found in any other sporting event. This is evident in all the announcers, participators, sponsors, athletes, coaches, and fanatics. It is indeed a worldwide party. Everyone knows that it will only last one month, and that only for the teams that get far in the tournament, but there is always hope that one's team will be in the final!

10. REPUBLICA DEPORTIVA. The single most watched Spanish-language sports show in all of the United States. It is easy to see why. Univision is truly nearly universal throughout much of the USA. If you want to see why Hispanics love their sports shows, check this out.


Came said...

I agree with everything but the last point. Where are the male dancers in diminutive clothes for us ladies???????

Rob Instigator said...

That is a very good question, but you ladies can enjoy the HOT soccer players! ha!