Aug 25, 2008

Olympics are Over - The British give us Massive SUCK

Another 4 years of waiting are set to begin. The Olympic Closing Ceremonies blasted the Beijing Olympics into the stratosphere. Whereas the Opening Ceremony was focused on the elements Water, Earth and Air, and the shape of a Square, the Closing Ceremony was a celebration of Fire and of the Circle. The Chinese love to have balance and harmony in all things, for it is as Confucious, Lao Tse, and many other important mystics have taught. The Chinese take the sense of balance very seriously.
It was a beautiful ceremony and finished this 29th Olympiad of the modern games off correctly. Beijing has a lot to be proud for and the Chinese government have a lot to live up to now.
Having said that, -FUPPETS- noticed something very foreboding. The next Summer Olympic Games will be held in London, England in 2012. Let's compare the two nations.
China - a 4 thousand year history of deep culture, deep innovation, love of beauty, and harmony, and the power of one of the largest new economies with the largest population of any nation on Earth standing behind it. Britain - tiny island nation, history dating back to the Roman Empire times and before that, an economy that is sputtering at best, 15-18% unemployment rate, and, to be honest, not much in the way of a national culture to showcase and share with the world.
As a part of every Closing Ceremony, the nation that is to be the next host of the games gets an 8 minute "window" in which to present a small taste of what it will bring to the table for the forthcoming games and ceremony. For example, in 2004, in Sydney Australia, the Chinese had aerialists and mysterious formations of humans and a small girl in a red dress seemingly floating above the stadium. It was beautiful and extremely enigmatic, for we were just given a tease with no context. Upon seeing the Opening Ceremony two weeks ago, it all made perfect sense. It was a beautiful mental continuity. The Chinese are good at that, very good.
So, after the grandeur of a most brilliant fireworks display, the Bird's Nest Stadium quieted for what was to be the UK's presentation. An ultra-modern looking double-decker bus entered the stadium floor, and headed towards a "bus stop" with what looked like the understudies for RENT or STOMP or some such crap (to quote the wise Homer Simpson) prancing around in goddamn pantomime. The bus parks and the dancers go about miming their bullshit like they are all climbing into the bus. It looked nice on TV, but there was no way in hell that bullshit played to the stadium. Looking at the crowd of athletes in the mid-field all one saw was the backs of a thousand heads, for they had to, HAD TO, look at the big-ass screens in order to figure out what the hell was going on. It was decidedly underwhelming.

The top of the double decker bus opened up , in a quite cool way, to reveal the skyline of London. Again, it was neat, but it felt like it was designed for the stage of 3,000 seat theatre, not a gigantic stadium seating a hundred thousand people.
Then the truly horrific British melt-down began. Out of the top of the "bus" rose some pop star, and a goddamn decrepit old white haired idiot who barely could hold up his heavy Les Paul guitar. It was sexagenarian Jimmy Page. Fucking Jimmy Page. He looked like a fucking retired golf pro. He proceeded to "play" along to a piped-in track of "Whole Lotta Love" by Led Zeppelin while the disposable pop-bitch who won some sort of TV show "sang." There are so many things wrong with this but -FUPPETS- will point out just one. The song, "Whole Lotta Love" is the ultimate COCK ROCK anthem! The entire song is about how much cock you are going to try to stuff in your woman's love-hole! It is about how fucking stretched out her pussy is going to get because you are going to bottom out hardcore because you are giving her SO MUCH COCK! Now, what in the holy fuck did the organizers of the London Games in 2012 think when they chose this particular song? Did they think no one would understand the original references and instead would assume the song to be a heavy metal ode to joy and a paean to the love and Olympic Spirit that the Olympics are designed to foster in the youth of the world? FUCK. It was terrible. Even the UK reporters are aghast at how fucking awful it was.

In my time I've witnessed countless Royal Variety Performances and the opening
ceremony of the Dome. This British fiasco was worse than any of them, and even
at only eight minutes seemed interminable. No wonder London mayor Boris Johnson looked so uncomfortable beforehand. He must have known what was coming.
I have two tips for you, Boris. Keep your hands out of your pockets when attending high-profile events like this, and secondly fire whoever responsible for this
fiasco and hire proper showbiz professionals – from Las Vegas if necessary – to
handle the opening and closing ceremonies in 2012. Another toe-curling
embarrassment like this would be unendurable. - Charles Spencer - Telegraph UK

It truly was like being kicked out of a brand new 4-star hotel in the heart of
NYC, and sent to a 30 year old Ramada Inn somewhere in Trenton, New Jersey. I can
just imagine the despair in the Brit's hearts when they saw such a fucking
catastrophe. Even the staging was rote and bullshit. The Chinese used their
high-wire expertise, bringing in talent from the Hong Kong film industry to create majestic performance ART. The British contingent used a fucking parade float with
generic platforms and railings. It sincerely looked like a high school theatre
production. It was so SUCK.

-FUPPETS- leaves you with this pathetic image.
It looks like goddamn Micky Dolenz from the
fucking Monkees.

1 comment:

RODOG said...

Got A whole lot suck.....baaaaaoooooo....Gotta whole lotta suck baaaaooooo.....